Guinea Pigging

I am a guinea pig. Many think that admission is tantamount to saying, "I'm a whore. I'll do anything for anyone." I strongly disagree. I ask you, if we did not have guinea pigs where would science be? Yes, I lay myself upon the sacrificial altar of science. I've always been that way. Scientific, that is. Ask anyone who knows me. Well, don't ask Dr. Mumford, my botany professor in college. I got a D. I'm pretty sure he's dead anyway because he was almost dead when he taught me. I don't blame him. I deserved the D. Actually, I deserved an F but he couldn't bring himself to give one. It was disecting the huge cow's eyeball that killed it for me. And I always wondered what cows eyeballs had to do with Botany. Those Catholics. They're really fucked up. Anyway, in the twilight of my years I hope to improve my botanical skills. You see, I have an "in". My niece is the Queen of Botany in the USA. I can't lose.